Monday, February 2, 2009

Destiny

It had to be written, it is heavily weighing me down and it keeps with the mood I am in right now. I think of N's elder one, P and see a reflection of another time, another kid...another place...
It goes to show how a small incident, one moment that hits you like a storm and twists the simple life you have led, changes your destiny!
I have a small incident to recount, one that changed the course of life too…of a nine-year-old…

It was like any other Saturday. But there was a small difference. The young girl had practise sessions to attend, and her father was feeding her a favourite combination, puttu and motta. It was a weird combination (the puttu and egg combination) but one that both of them preferred, the father and the daughter.
It was a rare sight indeed, a father bonding so perfectly, but the father had dreams, big ones for his elder one, and both of them shared a perfect understanding. He explaining the fundamentals of maths and science, making studies a wholly entertaining subject for the daughter, who had already shown signs of his dreams materialising by her interest for the figures…
The father sets his child off to school and she walks to the bus-stand to go for her march past practise for a function at her school. Her heart seems heavy for no reason; it is as if she could foresee what was to happen.
She stands waiting for over 15 minutes for the bus and finally she spots the company jeep speeding her way and she waves…imagining the person behind the wheel to be either the father or their neighbour and friend Sharma Uncle, on their way to office. The jeep screeches to a stop and someone from inside gestures and asks her to get it. She does so happily, opens the door and is shocked by the scene inside.
The father is lying with his head on the moms lap and she is bending over him, crying uncontrollably. He seems to be having difficulty breathing, his eyes were dilated and he was looking at his child yet not seeing her. She shook him calling “Acha, (father)”, but he just kept looking…gazing deeply as if he could see right through her. She relentlessly tries to get her father to answer her…till they reach the hospital and then she is left alone while the attendees rush her father inside…
It seems like ages before she gets to see the mother who seems to be tired with all the crying….
The daughter asks Sharma Uncle for her Achan and he hugs her close…but doesn’t answer her question…
She finds her teachers too at the hospital and wonders whether they will be angry with her for absconding the practise sessions. She smiles apologetically and approaches them and they too hold her close…and she wonders, why this sudden affection?
She feels important with the attention bestowed on her but is puzzled too…and walks to her mother and asks her …where her father is?
The mother breaks down yet again and she is led away by friends. Now she is almost frightened to ask the same question again. She keeps quiet till the evening when they reach home(which is filled with strangers) and her mother takes her aside and explains to her that her father (at the age of 40), had a massive heart attack and has died, leaving them alone. So, her mother explains, that she is the one who has to take care of S( the 2-year-old younger sister) and be responsible, not cry, but be brave…
Life changed from then…from being a carefree child whose only dream was to make her father happy… to take on a more responsible role ( a role she didn’t quite play well)Well, that’s how destiny shapes your future…from a warm cocoon one moment to an insecure future, the other.

And reflected in this scene, I see P… and I hope she doesn’t forget to enjoy life with the weight of her responsiblities, like I did…

11 comments:

Deeps said...

Oh my god,Sindhu..you got me tears in my eyes!So touching a post.
I'm sure,your father,wherever he is,is truly truly proud of you.

Hugs to you,Sindhu.I can imagine how gravely you must be empathising with Nimmi's daughter.May God bless her and her kids.
I'll speak to you in a day or two.If I call you now I know I'll cry too.Thats the kind of impact your post made

sindhu said...

Well, thanks, Deep, it was very difficult to write, as I couln't see the screen in between, but I wanted to get it out too...0the day is still clear in my memory

imemyself said...

how could such an event NOT leave the impact it has... and Sindhu, let's face one reality, the feeling of importance a daughter gets from her Dad is incomparable to any other... many of us suffer from an acute inadequacy since that sense of importance died when it did with the passing away of just one soul... i am sure he sees you now and is happy and proud...

Just call me 'A' said...

Sindhu, this post was so touching. I had to remind myself to blink while reading it.....Events like these harden us and I know that your dad is looking down proudly at you and beaming with pride. Live life now....for that is what he would want..i'm sure. Lots of hugs...

PS: I'm glad you dropped in on my blog again. I wanted to come here but forgot the URL. making a note of this right away :)

sindhu said...

Ya, right, A...I am, but sometimes it all comes back...glad that you came back!

Reflections said...

Sindhu, I cant even begin to imagine the trauma the 9yr old you must have lived thru. I'm so sorry u had to go thru tht. Makes me want to go on my knees & thank God he's been so kind to me.

A beautiful, beautiful post Sindhu. Thank U....coz it makes me realise the importance of a lot of people, things, situations I've taken for granted!!!!!

sindhu said...

But, I seem to have made a lot of people tearful...Nancy, am feeling awful for that...

Midlifecrisis45 said...

Its easy to sympathise but few people go through this kind of trauma. Some of us, at a mature (???) age still find it difficult to reconcile to the loss of a parent. You should feel proud that you have been able to get past it and got to where you are. Keep the faith......and well done...

Usha Pisharody said...

This is such a moving post, and I am glad I came here.

More than I could ever tell you, I know. As Deeps has said, you can be sure that your father is so very proud of you, and he isn't far...

Perhaps you'd like to read this poem, and inspirational one [no, not mine :)], called Daddy's Day.

Heaven is in your heart, and he is there :)

Blogrolling you. You have a gift of expressing yourself in such a manner that it touches another. Have read all the posts down, and each one filled me up.

sindhu said...

Thank you and the poem is so moving...thank u for sharing that Usha...

soul speaks said...

Dear Sindhu, I have read your blogs but somehow always forgot your the blog address. I have no words to express after reading this, you are a wonderful person who has stood the storms of time , hats off to you , your mother and sister. I am sure your father must be a happy man , blessing you wherever he is. take care. rekha.