Friday, June 5, 2009

Friends and losing them

I hate losing friends, period. Even if it is a friendship forged out of convenience for the whole family, the husband’s friend and family becomes friends for the family because kids are of the same age and the guys like hanging out together.
I am like that person in ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ who remembers dates and goes all emotional remembering old incidents… Yes, I too have issues with friends and more so when it is family friends, when I hold grudges against them in my hearts and even bring them up in conversations and ask for explanation but am equally fiercely protective about them. I also feel I have the sole right to say anything against them and if someone even nods in agreement to my complaints, I defend them, because yes, they might do something that hurts me but they are my friends, right…
But what do you do when the signs are obvious, when your calls aren’t returned for the umpteen time, when you are constantly forgotten to be included in group outings, or there are no group outings for now everyone prefers to be alone, when you can sense that aloofness, like a shadow lurking between words and actions…
I tried once more, called them all over for another of our get together…but that too didn’t work, it left me strained and unhappy…the magic of togetherness is lost; the fun that we shared during the Thursday night get-togethers, the constant ribbing, the easy flow of mundane conversation…is all a thing of the past.
Should I let go or keep holding on to memories…
I hold on to memories for they are just mine to revisit and relive those good-old-days, when kids were small, when life was simple and uncomplicated …
And I let go too of expectations too and hope that I have friends for ever, friends whom I don’t have to call regularly but who understand your schedules, who don’t expect anything from you, who are there just within a phone call distance, for you to talk to and be just you…
Or is it expecting too much

12 comments:

wordsndreamz said...

'that person in ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ who remembers dates and goes all emotional remembering old incidents… ' Me too! I remember dates and incidents..

I had an experience like this too.. I actually gave up my expectations.. I just do my bit.. and the rest is up to them.. Made it much easier for me to deal with it..

ummon said...

that's the prob with friendships for convenience as you put it. if it's who i think it is, they were never really appreciative of what you did as a person (not just as their friend)... so maybe you need some distance to rethink.

catawampusme said...

It happens to everyone.. My advice is.. which I also follow.. try and make your own plans and have fun.. dont complain.. dont bother to contact.. then they will miss your presence and call you.. when they do.. dont complain.. tell them everything you did n how wonderful time has been.. I bet you they will get nostalgic n next time ask you to come with them :)

Simple reverse psychology!

Deeps said...

You did what you had to do.you tried your best.As Umm says,now just hold back and rethink.you'll probably get a clearer understanding who is and who is not your friend!

Solilo said...

I would say 'Let go'. Give them space, if they come back then cheers. Else, you move on.

This is what I did eons ago. I was seriously hurt by a friend's behavior in college. Few others created this misunderstanding between us close friends and it just was not the same anymore. I tried to clear but it didn't work. By the time my friend realized her mistake I had moved on to new set of friends. This friend is still my friend but we just couldn't be that close again.

But do try to find out what exactly the problem is. Recently I put a lady on my phone screening list because I didn't have time for her unsolicited advice.

sindhu said...

Hey, words, Umm, Deeps, Solilo and WINNIE thanks for mirroring my thoughts...I need to take a firmer approach and cut off now...

indyeahforever said...

I would echo everyone's words...
just let them be..or better yet just dont bother like you said..if they are worth it they will realise it or else you move on..
SOlilo has said all that I wanted to say..

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))
you care too much and thats the problem isnt it?:))
give your heart a break:))

Enigma said...

Humm cant blame anyone i guess as life is like that..friends get busy, they want space and so on...Even i am like u inaspects like wen they hurt me i mite complain, but anyone says anything abt them , i defend them with all my might... I keep the 2 sets of friends going..i send mails, try to get everyone to reply and so on, but some people just dont take the pains o reply...they sometimes later tell that they r busy with kids, jobs, hubby etc...Life is that way i guess...

Sijoy Raphael said...

The only true friend who will remain with you forever, is your husband....All the rest has to go or be changed as the life turbulently sails to new shores...Do not chip on your shoulder for losing friends...But find better ones to replace them...except Kishku...

You are welcome to read my blog http://sijoyraphael.blogspot.com/ if you are comfortable with your mother tongue...

sindhu said...

Hugs to you too indyeah...yes, life is like that and I guess we should move on...after some time, Engima

Reflections said...

"friends whom I don’t have to call regularly but who understand your schedules, who don’t expect anything from you, who are there just within a phone call distance, for you to talk to and be just you…"

Sindhu, I hope u dont mind me saying this but u r expecting too much here. Just like the saying in hindi "Taali do hath se bajthi hai", if u want to maintain a friendship then u have to work at it.
I say this with so much bitterness coz I have a good friend here with whom I share(d) a lot...but I get mad with her coz she only calls me when something goes wrong in her life. When everything is hundy-dory she hardly finds the time for me. Yeah we are still good friends but I give her, her space now & guess wht she calls me more often[& I know she's curious;-D].

And hey good to see u back with a bang;-D!!!!!!!

sindhu said...

Nancy, I am effort taker in most friendships, I go out of the way to help and that is why this pain in losing them. But I am learning to dessociate and let go...like Winnie says if they are important they will get back...
And Sijoy...that is true...but sometimes you want more, not only your husband as friends.
Engima, we are very similar in thoughts and actions...